Three Lessons to Reframe Your Life from Paralympian Chuck Aoki

Since I started Amy Miller Writing Services, I’ve written about everything from cemetery software to wedding photography to water treatment. I’ve profiled local business owners for Stroll Wyomissing. I’ve even dusted off my performance plastics knowledge from my last job and gotten technical. But when I got the chance to interview four-time Paralympian and Team USA wheelchair rugby co-captain Chuck Aoki for the first Thatsagood mini mag I was so nervous the creative director emailed me a pep talk.

It’s hard not to be impressed. Born with an extremely rare genetic condition that left him without feeling from his elbows to his fingers and his knees to his toes, Chuck became an accomplished wheelchair basketball player. Then he watched the documentary Murderball and discovered wheelchair rugby, the most bad-ass full-contact sport for quadriplegics. Soon he was qualifying for Team USA and competing in the Paralympics.

Turns out I had nothing to worry about, even though sports reporter is the absolute last career path anyone who knows me would expect. Chuck is humble, funny, and extraordinarily easy to talk to. Also gracious enough to let me write a blog post about him in addition to the feature article.

As someone who knows next to nothing about sports and hasn’t voluntarily watched one in ages, what intrigued me most was not Chuck’s admittedly impressive rugby skills – though I do plan to tune into the Paralympics to see them in action. It was his unflaggingly positive attitude about every obstacle he’s faced. After describing the details of his disability, he quipped, “The silver lining is because I have an impairment in all four limbs, I can play the sport I love.”

Just sit with that a moment. How often do you honestly find a positive in something that’s legitimately a terrible situation?

But if Chuck can do it, why can’t we?

That Sucks. What Are You Going to Do About It?

While Chuck believes he’s a naturally positive and optimistic person, he also credits his parents for instilling in him the values and wisdom that have allowed him to not only succeed, but thrive, not despite his disability but because of it. They never told him he shouldn’t be upset or to “get over” his feelings. But once that initial wave of emotion passed, they always asked, “What’s next?” He was allowed to be angry or frustrated or sad, but they didn’t let him stay stuck in that negativity. Instead they pressed him to look forward and focus on what he could control. Now as an adult, whenever he faces a setback he thinks, “That sucks. So what am I going to do about it?”

Think of how different the world could be if more people turned off their Debbie Downer mode and activated their inner Peter Problem-Solver instead. Then think about how you might adopt this philosophy in your own life.

Emotions are powerful and overwhelming. Lots of situations do suck. It’s so easy to get stuck – in our career, our relationships, or just our day to day routine. Jailed by our limitations, we give up before we even try. Inertia is easy. Trying something different is hard.

Chuck acknowledges that seeing challenges as opportunities isn’t easy. But if someone who found out at age ten that he’d have to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life and has had several fingers amputated because he couldn’t feel when they got infected could learn this from parents who had to teach their first child how to cope with a rare disability that would impact every aspect of his life, what excuse do we have not to try?

Find What You Love and Go All In

A key aspect of Chuck’s story revolves around discovering wheelchair rugby, a sport that he not only excels at, but also genuinely loves. Growing up, he loved watching football and ice hockey and yearned to play, but wasn’t able to because of his physical limitations. So when he discovered there was a full-contact sport for people in wheelchairs he found a local team and went to try out. He brought the wrong kind of wheelchair – rugby wheelchairs are built like tanks – and he barely knew the rules. But he took action, he showed up, and he had fun. The first time he got hit in practice, he knew the sport was for him. So he worked hard, he made the most of every opportunity, and it paid off.

Not everyone knows what they’re meant to do. The career that’s more like a calling than a job. The thing that will make you excited to get up every morning instead of dreading another week. But maybe the first step is paying attention to what brings you joy, and being willing to try something new if it intrigues you. You never know what could spark that discovery. Chuck was watching TV. Perhaps Netflix is good for something besides killing time after all.

Maybe you do have an inkling of what you’d love to do, but the odds are bad. (Like becoming a bestselling novelist who also pays all her bills.) They’ll never get any better if you don’t try. It’s time for that problem solver mentality.

Enjoy the Journey

When I asked Chuck if he was excited about the upcoming Paris Paralympics, he told me he was also excited about the 50 days he’d spend with his team leading up to the games. What would really last, he told me, was they people he’s met and the friendships they’ve forged. “Goals are important,” he said, “but you’re going to spend so much more time on the journey than the goal, so make sure you’re enjoying the journey and celebrating little victories along the way.”

How much more content might be be if we lived that way? Especially if we’re chasing a big dream. Maybe we don’t ever make it to the Olympics, or publish a best selling novel, or become a CEO. But if we truly enjoy each step of the journey, if we acknowledge and appreciate every bit of progress, if we make meaningful relationships along the way, then not reaching a goal might feel less crushing.

If we depend on achieving a goal for our happiness, it’s going to be fleeting, even if we do succeed. But if we can find ways to appreciate each day – being grateful for small milestones and forward momentum – then we can live a satisfying life no matter the ultimate outcome.

And who knows? If we approach both our dreams and our challenges with a problem-solving, celebratory attitude, we might be able to do something amazing after all.

Chuck certainly has.

Learn More About Chuck Aoki

If you’re as inspired by Chuck as I am, follow him on Instagram and tune into the Paralympics on Peacock starting on August 28th to watch him and other outstanding athletes. You can also read my article in Thatsagooda, a mini mag by Mrs Space Cadet that’s available in limited quantities for whatever you can pay.