How to Find Discipline and Master Your Routine

People frequently tell me, “I can’t believe you have the discipline to write every day.” Every Monday through Friday since I left my job, with very few exceptions, I’ve gone to my coworking space, opened up my computer, and stared at the document containing my manuscript.

But for me, showing up is the easy part. It’s what happens within that document–writing, rewriting, deleting, staring at it blankly–that can be difficult. It’s also the part I love–creativity and accomplishment and dreams no longer deferred. And it won’t happen, not at the same pace, anyway, unless I show up every day.

I know that for a fact. This story’s been waiting eighteen years for a chance to be shared with the world.

I’m not saying you can’t rewrite your life sporadically. But a good routine will get you there faster. And even if you can’t quit your job and devote all your time to what you love, we’re all capable of improving our routines.

Discover Your Drive

It’s easier to keep doing what we’re doing than to make a change. That’s not just human nature. It’s physics. An object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion – unless acted on by an outside force.

If you want to rewrite your life, if you want to be the hero of your own story, you need to take charge and become that outside force. Bring the energy, the motivation, the drive to do something different, even if it’s risky or uncomfortable or hard.

Here’s the trick I’ve found. You need to want to do something different. Think of all those failed resolutions to lose weight or eat better or exercise that you mostly made because society thinks it’s important, or whatever. If you’re not 100% all-in invested, you might dip your toes in the kiddie pool, but you’re not going to dive in the deep end. Why would you? It’s not worth it.

Honestly, I enjoy going to my coworking space every day to work on my novel. I’ve taken very few days off, and only when I had a good reason. That’s because I want to write more than I want to spend that time doing something else. I don’t dread Mondays because they’re just the start of another week where I’m blessed to do something I love. I took some time off between Christmas and the New Year, and as much as I enjoyed the chance to relax and tackle my personal to-do list, on January 1st I was ready to get back to the office.

If you’re passionate about something, that can propel you through boredom and hardship and burnout. You just have to chase the right thing. Your dream. Not someone else’s.

Weave an Accountability Safety Net

We’re all human. No matter how dedicated and driven we are, there are days when the sky is cold and grey and uninspiring, and we’d just rather stay in bed or curl up with a book or the latest Netflix docuseries.

It’s okay to give into that sometimes. You need to take care of yourself so you’re mentally and physically and emotionally strong enough to face the hurdles on your new quest. But this can become a trap. Give in every time you feel a bit blah, and suddenly years have passed and you’re still in your status quo life, and the only thing you’re an expert in is what’s on TV.

Bad habits are insidious, and they can creep up on your fast. Suddenly you’re falling asleep on your couch every night and telling the internet about it. Bad habits can be broken–I haven’t fallen asleep on the couch in a month–but it takes a lot of effort you could probably expend better elsewhere.

For me, accountability gives the extra push I need when I’m not internally motivated. Accountability often comes from other people. If you’ve made a plan to change your life, I suggest telling your partner, your friends, your family, your coworkers–anyone who will believe in you, cheer you on, and not be afraid to ask how it’s going if you suspiciously stop talking about your endeavor.

If you know anyone who’s also looking to start something new or change their life in some way, it could be helpful to embark on your journeys together. You might also seek out new connections with the same interest. My writing critique group is filled with amazing ladies who have given me so much encouragement. When I contemplated giving up writing altogether after I deleted my novel, their support kept me going. Every month they ask how I’m doing, and in between meetings they often send me leads and resources to keep me on track. I’ve made far more progress in the three years I’ve known them than in the fifteen years I was trying to be a writer on my own.

Accountability doesn’t have to come from others. It can also come from yourself. I’ve found I’m more likely to hold myself accountable if there’s money involved. When I signed up for a desk at a coworking space even though I was on a tight budget, I knew I better make the most of it! I know that doesn’t always work–how many people pay for a gym membership they don’t use?–but it might hold more sway if your changed circumstances mean you need to pinch pennies rather than spend whatever you want to dull your pain.

Consider if there’s a way you can invest in yourself and your journey. Maybe it’s taking a class, attending a conference, or joining a professional organization–or renting a desk at a coworking space. Spend that money deliberately, and let it remind you of your commitment.

Establish a Routine

What are you committing to, exactly? If you want to achieve something, whether that’s writing a book, starting a business, or changing careers, the more consistently you work at it, the sooner it will happen.

There is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.

Desmond Tutu

A good routine is like eating a few bites of the elephant every day. Maybe you’re like me, embracing a total career change where you have complete control of your day and what you do with it. A good routine is necessary to provide structure so productivity doesn’t get lost in your freedom. But if you’re trying to start something in addition to your current responsibilities, creating a routine where you fit your new endeavor into your already busy life might be even more critical.

On that fateful afternoon when my former colleague made me realize I needed to leave my job to finish my book, I started imagining what my days as a writer could look like. The first thing that came to mind is I could read an hour every day. I’ve loved to read since I was a kid, but since college I’d rarely found the time unless I was on the beach, on an airplane, or floating in my parents’ pool. As an aspiring writer, that’s particularly horrid because I need to know the current publishing trends in my genre and target audience and be able to compare my manuscript to similar books. Also, reading a lot makes you a better writer by osmosis.

I decided that if I were to leave my job, I’d start every day reading. And I have. I’ve read almost 60 novels in the past sixteen months. This is valuable research, yes, but it’s also fun. I enjoy getting up every morning knowing that I get to spend my first hour curled up with a cup of coffee, a tasty smoothie, and a good book. It sets me on the right track for a positive, productive day.

It all circles back to drive. If you can start your routine with something you want, you’re more likely to follow through.

Make the Most of Mornings

I am not a morning person. I was thrilled when I no longer had to set my alarm for 6:15 to get to my office by 8.

That being said, once I get myself moving, I know I’m more productive in the morning than I am later in the afternoon. I also knew that I needed to take control of my day, instead of letting it control me. While there is something appealing about never setting an alarm again and just rolling out of bed whenever like I’m on a perpetual summer vacation, I knew that road would lead to running out of money without ever finishing my book.

So when my sabbatical started, I set my alarm for 8, until I caught up on sleep enough to roll it back to 7:30. It goes off at 7:15 now, and I’m hoping if I can go to bed earlier after two more months of habit formation, eventually I can start my day at 7.

After I left my job, a friend recommended that I read The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. One day perhaps I’ll share my experience attempting his suggestions. But the basic gist is the way you start your day controls how the rest of it will go, and if you can channel energy, motivation, and focus in the morning, you’ll have more overall success.

I’ve definitely found that to be true.

I have room to grow in this area, for sure. There’s still a bit too much distraction and wasted time before I make it to my desk. And honestly, I don’t think I would have the discipline–or the desire–to complete a routine like this before reporting to work at 8 am.

But if there’s any way you can carve out time for yourself and your priorities first thing in the morning, I recommend it. I’ve always bragged about being a night owl, but the truth is I’m not actually at my best and brightest at midnight, even if I have no trouble being awake. And life is exhausting–whether you’re working or taking care of your home or your family. I find it easier to do difficult or creative things when I have more energy.

Eat Your Frogs First

If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.

Mark Twain

There’s some debate about the exact wording of that quote, and if Mark Twain actually said it. It’s also pretty gross and negative, and probably doesn’t make you want to get up any earlier to tackle your challenges. In fact, there’s another version of the quote that says, “If you have to eat a live frog, do it first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.”

Nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. That’s a pretty low bar, and not the life I want for myself–or you. 

But I see the truth in this. It is so easy to get caught up in a flood of emails and social media and small inconsequential things that you can check off your to-do list, that you are so overwhelmed and distracted that you never get to what’s really important. Those things that will change your life, or make it easier, or move you towards your goal. If this sounds familiar, that’s because I’m a huge fan of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and his four quadrants of time management.

Basically, he posits that most people get caught up in things that are urgent and not important, or maybe urgent and important. But the most successful people spend as much time as possible doing things that are important but not urgent.

Sometimes those things are a bit frog-like. Say you want to look for a new job, but you hate job applications. You’re busy, and stressed, and you don’t really want to spend time you don’t have filling out applications when most of them won’t get you anywhere.

That’s completely understandable. But if you never make the time to send out those applications, you are going to stay stuck in that job that’s making you miserable.

You’re better off eating that frog. And the best time to eat that frog is while your energy is high, your motivation hasn’t been sapped, and you haven’t been distracted by all the other fires that might come your way as soon as you pick up your phone.

And yes, you will feel better once you’ve accomplished your most odious task.

Control Your Email – Don’t Let it Control You

When I worked at a non-profit, I would start every day by opening my inbox, and suddenly eight hours were gone and all I’d made progress on were things people had emailed me about. When I discussed this with my boss, he asked why I thought answering my email immediately was my top priority.

Because everyone thought that. Duh.

Quick response times are engrained in us, even more so now that we have smart phones, endless notifications, and social media. But that’s always left me frazzled, distracted, burned out, and ineffective.

About ten years ago I tried an experiment. For the first hour after I got to my office, I didn’t open up my email. I made a to-do list of the most important things I wanted to accomplish that day. And then I spent an hour working on them with no distractions.

I thought my volunteers would be annoyed that I wasn’t getting back to them immediately. But I told them flat out that I didn’t open my email until 9 am and explained why.

By the time I left that job, I didn’t open my email until 11 am. And it never ended in tragedy. I was far more effective in those first three hours than the five that followed, and I was better at my job overall.

I couldn’t do that when I was a customer service rep at my next job since my top priority was answering customer emails in a timely manner, but once I got promoted to a more goal and project based analyst role, I tried to start each day with an email free hour or two. Those hours were what moved the needle forward, and they made me feel more productive and less overwhelmed.

I used to be proud of myself for multitasking, but science proves that multitasking makes us less efficient, not more so. We have become so accustomed to a barrage of distractions in our careers and our personal lives that we can work ourselves to the bone and have absolutely no progress to show for it because we’re just spinning our wheels.

But our lives don’t have to stay this way. Reclaiming even 30 minutes a day and making the most of them can allow us to accomplish things that would never just happen on their own. Start taking agency in small ways until it becomes a habit.

If you want to rewrite your life, figure out what’s most important to help you achieve your goal, block out a time every day, turn off your phone, and then eat that frog.

I promise the world won’t end. But it just might change for the better.

Love What You Do and the Rest Will Follow

Sometimes those frogs are pretty hard to swallow. But it’s true — get them out of the way first, and you don’t have spend the rest of your day worrying about eating them.

But my hope for you, hero in training, is that you can carve out time every day to do something you love. You should still do it as early in the day as you can, and you should ignore your phone so that sacred time isn’t disturbed.

But I don’t want you to live on a diet of frogs.

I’m no longer spending all day rewriting my novel. Most of my time is spent researching freelance clients, writing content and editing copy, and sending my book proposal out to more potential agents. But when I get to my desk, the first hour is spent working on my next manuscript. Because writing books is the most important part of my day, it’s the big dream and ultimate goal. The important but not urgent task that could so easily be left undone — that was left undone for nearly eighteen years because I never prioritized it over every other task that begged more loudly for my attention. The task that needs the most creativity. The one that I want to be at my best for.

Working on my manuscript isn’t a frog. It’s the best piece of chocolate cake I’ve ever eaten, and it doesn’t even have any calories.

It’s unrealistic to think any of us are going to love every minute of our lives. There are so many moments when changing your course is hard. In any job, any life, there will always be things we have to do that we’d rather not. I hate every time I see another rejection in my inbox. I don’t like begging for new freelance clients or research that leads to wasted time and dead ends. I don’t like filing taxes for that matter, or figuring out the practicalities of starting my own business.

But I love to write, and every hour I can just do that makes everything else worth it. But those hours can so easily evaporate if I don’t make space for them. I must make writing a priority, and refuse to let anything less important impose itself on the time I choose to give it. A good routine makes that easier, helps me engrain habits that support my goals and the life I want to live.

We all have the same amount of time in every day. It’s on us to make the most of it.